shit hits the fan- already

In light of the decision I made when I created this blog only yesterday, I committed myself to the pursuit of excitement during the day today, I found my chance during my last lesson. A good friend of mine has recently split from her 2 and a half year boyfriend, we went to prom together and have always got along brilliantly, so I decided she would be the ideal start. she gave me a lift home at the end of the day and we chatted the same as ever, but when we reached my house instead of the cheek kiss goodbye, I went for the real thing. I know that I dedicated my first post to describing the moment before a kiss, but it's doubtful whether that truly did it justice, our eyes met, her face became serious- not as though she was about to tell me off, just like there was a longing, or so I'd like to think.- she shifted her body so she was facing towards me and we made out. She is close friends with my ex and so karma for some unnamed transgression kicked in (it could be for any number of things) and a boy from our school had recognised her car and pulled up next to us to say hi, getting a lovely chunk of gossip substantial enough (in our little pond) to ruin friendships and destroy potential new girls, basically it would be like a petty, bitchy hiroshima. I'm not saying that I regret my decision- you make your choices and stick by them- I'm just very tickled by the speed at which this blog (admittedly something borne of boredom whilst i should have been revising) has brought about a situation in which I have something to blog about, this is some self-sustainable shit.

la suerta de matar

I don't know how reliable my spanish is, even more so because i was drunk when i was told about La Suerte De Matar, but assuming its spelt correctly and the lovely young woman who told me about it wasn't lying then it is a term from bullfighting. Perhaps you disagree with bullfighting and think its antiquated and viciously cruel, or perhaps you think it is the perfect illustration of skill and intelligence pitted against strength and rage, either way that isn't the point. La Suerte De Matar describes the final moments of the bullfight, before inevitably the bull is killed or the matador crunched, more specifically it is the final moment in which the eyes of the Bull meet the eyes of the Matador, and there is a mutual understanding that following this blow one of them will be the victor and the other will be broken or dead (depending on the species). This appeals to me because I can't think of anything more appropriate as a metaphor for the moment right before the mutual submission between a man and a woman (man and man, woman and woman, I'm not making any Fascist condemnations here just writing from my perspective) when you realise that no matter what happens tomorrow or what has happened yesterday, right here and now in this moment in this place you have succeeded, and that everything is going to be ok. The reason i mention it -besides affording me the oppurtunity to show off my flowery analogy- is that these are the moments i live for, all it takes is a little kiss and I can shrug off the perpetual struggle of existence and feel strong from the warm feeling that glows in my belly, the pathetic truth it boils down to is that every little moment of love from a girl afford me the ability to love myself a little bit more, and in a world as ugly as this I think learning to love yourself should come well above surviving the credit crunch or preventing global warming. I hope that you will read these posts as (I again hope) they grow in multitude outlining all my little adventures during my little life.